Lovelace in the City: Second Chances

Hello World!

Have you ever written someone off and not given them a second thought? Unfortunately, I do it more than often, but I am starting to change my ways. A few months ago, I wrote about my dislike for a gentleman by the name of Mr. Photoshoot. Well, I admit I could possibly be wrong about him!

This past weekend, I finally broke down and spent time with him. To my surprise, it was better than expected. Don’t get me wrong, I always enjoyed spending time with him for various reasons, but was very unsure of his reasoning for wanting to hang out with me. Spending the evening with him made me reconsider a possible relationship with him; well at least for the moment or until he does something stupid. But for now, let me tell you all about my wonderful evening!

For the last week, whenever I would talk to Mr. Photoshoot, the conversation always included “when was I coming over?” and my reply would always be during the weekend.  To his surprise and mine, I actually called him and went over to his place! When I got there he was cooking dinner and his son was playing nearby!!!! (I love a man that can cook) Normally I am not a fan of men with kids, but since I’ve always known that he has custody, I don’t count that against him. Our evening was very uneventful, but that’s exactly how I like it! It was just the three of us, hanging out and watching movies. It almost felt as if it was a little family, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Heck, I even played with the kid...without being asked or prompted! I usually don’t play with kids I don’t know, so that was a big step. I ended up staying very late at his house and to be honest; the only reason I left was because I had to be at work in the morning and didn’t bring my clothes. I also managed to spend quality time and stick to my goal of not having sex unless I’m in a committed relationship.

Having such a great evening, it made me rethink some of my previous thoughts about him. Should I give him a second chance and try to establish a relationship with him? Should I put forth more effort and spend time with him? For the time being, I will proceed with caution and watch his actions. I’ve never been one to listen to a man’s words, because their actions always show the truth. So maybe...just maybe I will give him the opportunity to wow me! Hopefully, he can pull it off! I’m sure this will NOT be the last we here of him! 

Remember to love yourself first and laugh at the fools who don’t!

XOXO Angel

Lovelace in the City: Prison Love

Hello to all my wonderful readers! Sorry I haven't been able to give you any juicy stories over the last few weeks, but I've been on vacation! Never fret, I'm back and ready to update you on my crazy dating life. So let’s get straight to it!

As you know by now, I am very picky when it comes to dating. My friends constantly tease me about “the list” of my desired qualities in a mate. One of the things I do not like is jail birds! I will admit I was attracted to the “bad boy” image in my much younger days, but outgrew that after watching the movie, Baby Boy one too many times. I realized I'm not a “ride or die” type of woman!

 Do not get me wrong; it takes a very strong, loving and patient person to stay committed to someone who is serving time in prison. I want to give a big shout out to the women who stick by their men and “hold them down” while they serve their sentences! Personally, I am too selfish and impatient to wait on someone. However, I can be the best pen pal an incarcerated man has ever met, at least I try! Sometimes it does take me a while (like months) to write back, but that’s because I am a very busy person on the outside! Being a pen pal is where I draw the line. This is where it gets interesting!

I have been writing back and forth to an old friend (we’ll call him Tear Drop) who is in prison. Tear Drop has been incarcerated for almost 7 years, but we reconnected through a social networking site! I don’t mind writing to him, because I know that he is a decent person and we have decent letter conversations. He has asked me to visit him, but I politely declined. To be honest, I don’t think prison visits are sexy and I have a lot of protruding womanly features. I feel like those men will be looking at me like I am a steak dinner! I consider my relationship with Tear Drop just as friends, but my crazy friends seem to think he may be developing feelings for me (which I highly disagree with).

Being in a relationship with him is not up for discussion, seeing how his release date is set for 2012 and I am not attracted to him “in that way”. I am just being a supportive friend. If he was not in prison, he would have a fighting chance, seeing how he does not have any kids, goes to school and is a cool person. I will continue to write him as long as he writes, just because I am a nice person; but there will never be any phone calls or visits! Once he gets out I will still be friends with him, but I really hope he doesn't think he is going to release his built up sexual frustration on me! I wouldn’t be able to walk for a week if I let him do that! Hmmmm, now that is something to consider! Sike!

Well that’s all for this week, tune in next week to see what crazy dating adventures I run into!

Always remember ladies, love yourself first and laugh at the fools who don’t!

XOXO Angel

Lovelace in the City: Online Dating

Hello World!

I want to talk about the interesting world of online dating! As a single person, I am open to the idea of meeting men in unconventional ways; such as online. The whole bump into each other at the grocery store or gym scenario just hasn't worked for me yet, so until then, I will be entertained by meeting men through the internet. I know several people who have met, dated, and married men they met online. I figure, why not give it a shot!

A few months ago, my friend bullied me into signing up to an online dating site. I started receiving messages within the first few days of having my profile set up. I will admit, I was excited and open to the process...until the first message came from a man old enough to be my grandfather! Eewww! I made an effort to be VERY specific about what I was looking for, including the age range 23-36. Anyone over the age of forty is TOO old. I’m not going to even think about why a sixty-year old man wants to date a 28 year-old? I’m still disgusted at the thought.

My experience with the site did not get much better after that. I was ready to cancel my membership after the first month, but my wonderful friend encouraged me to keep my membership until it expired, which was six months later.

Grandpa was the first of MANY old men to send messages and flirts, followed by men from other countries (not really my cup of tea!)...then there were men with three or more kids. Don’t get me wrong, there were some that could have potential, but they did not pay for their membership and had very limited access. So limited, in fact, they could not even send a message, just a “flirt” message. I received so many of those messages; I finally put on my profile page, No Flirt Messages! After a few months of this, I was so excited when my membership expired. Since I had such a horrible experience, you would think I would stay off online dating sites. Nope, not me! I think I am gluten for punishment.

I experimented with another site that is SUPPOSED to be for dating, but seems to be more for “hooking up”. The messages I receive on that website are at first flattering, and then turned appalling, very quickly. They start as “how are you” to “nice ass, nice boobs”. At this point, I never respond to the messages, I just use it as simple entertainment. Unfortunately, online dating has not worked out; I guess it’s back to hoping to bump carts at the grocery store or reaching for the same weight at the gym to meet my Mr. Right!

Always remember, love yourself first and laugh at the fools who don’t!

XOXO Angel

Lovelace in the City: Say My Name...Say My Name

This week I found myself in a bit of a pickle. Against my better judgment and at the request of my hormones, I decided to have a little rendezvous! It is been a VERY long time and I was started getting cobwebs.

I have a friend I indulge with from time to time, but I would never have a serious relationship with him for several reasons. The major reason is because he has nothing to bring to the relationship table and we are at different levels in life. Nonetheless, he is GREAT at other things, or so he was! I made the call and he already knows his role in my life, although I think he wants more. NOT HAPPENING!

In anticipation of my evening events, I prepared as any woman does. Shower, shave and smell good; the three S’s...as I like to call them and topped if off with a few glasses of wine. I had to get my mind right before his arrival because his personality can be a bit much to handle. Once he arrived, I knew it was probably a mistake, but of course, I never listen to my instincts!

Let the fun begin! In the first few moments, he is requesting the infamous “say my name”. Well I would have loved to say it, but unfortunately, I was about to call out SOMEONE ELSE’S name! Whoops, I caught myself before it came out. At least I hope I did. Apparently, I was thinking about an ex, which should not have been the case. To make matters worse, their names do not even start with the same letter, so clearly my thoughts were not where they should have been. I think that small mishap was the beginning of the end, because shortly it was over. (Sad face) He just stopped and NO he was not done! I had not even gotten half way to my desired goal. After his abrupt ending, he then wanted to talk! Ugh, I did not want to talk about anything, I just wanted him to leave so that I could finish and go to sleep! Sheesh, I did have to get up for work in a few hours and needed some sleep. About fifteen minutes later, after his babbling, he was ready to try again. I was so over it by then. I was not even listening to him. I told him I was done and he had the audacity to be upset with me, saying I needed to loosen up! All I could think was “Honey, I would blow your mind, only if you were someone else!” I really think our “friends with benefits” relationship has now ended. He has disappointed me the last several times. What is the point of having a friend with benefits if the premium is going up, but the quality is going down!

After he left, I was still reflecting on how I almost blurted out another man’s name! That is player rule #1! That just goes to show my player days are long gone and I am no longer interested in the “friends with benefits” type of relationship. I know if I were with someone I cared about, thinking about another man would not have happened! Guess I will be going back to my rules, no relations with anyone who is not my man!

Remember ladies, love yourself first and laugh at the fools who don’t!

XOXO Angel

Lovelace In the City: Why Lie?

Hello Fellow Bloggers!

One of my biggest pet peeves about men is their inability to lie! Lying is automatic grounds for dismissal; but when a man lies about small things, I simply lose respect for them. Men lie for all different types of reasons; some men lie to protect their significant other feelings, some lie to not get in trouble, some lie to protect their egos and some lie simply because they are stupid! Whatever the reason, lying to me is unacceptable. It doesn't matter to me if the truth will hurt my feelings or make me upset; I deserve the right to express my own emotion, whether it is anger, sadness or joy! Do not decide how I will respond, because you will always be wrong! With that said, let me share the latest male fiasco.

I use to briefly date someone we will call Mr. Photoshoot a few years ago. The main reason I stopped the relationship was because we never spent any time together. We still keep in touch, mainly because I love the sex! Although the sex is wonderful, I have very low tolerance for his personality so I still do not see him very often. My intuition always told me never to believe the words he spoke. He is a nice person, but something about him never sat well with me. Matter of fact, it has been very close to a year since I have seen him. He's the type of person who acts more feminine than I do at times! He is always nagging me because I have not been to his new apartment or the fact that I never make time for him. Honestly, I have no intention or desire in spending time with him and I figured he would have figured it out by now.

For those who know me, when I drink it is a completely new ball game. I am a very happy and friendly drunk! (This leads me into my story)

A few weeks ago, I was out celebrating a friend’s birthday and had a lot to drink. The club had $2 you-call-its, so what I spent $20 on drinks before 11 o’clock! Don’t judge me! Obviously, I was in the mood to spread the love so I made a few calls to several “friends”. Clearly, I was very drunk and I called Mr. Photoshoot so we could “spend time together”. When we talked, he stated that he was at a local nightclub and he wanted to see me. Well he took too long to leave the club, so I went home and crashed.

Two days later, he texted me making general conversation about the weekend activities. Apparently, he forgot that he talked to me a few nights earlier and stated that he was in MIAMI, FL over the weekend. We live in INDIANA, there was no way on earth he could have possibly been in Miami. When I heard the lie he was telling, all I could do was laugh. I thought to myself, am I being punked? What was the purpose of lying about his whereabouts? I decided to play along just to see how far he was willing to take this story. I asked him when did he go to Miami and come back. His answer was he left Saturday morning and returned to Indy late Sunday evening. The problem with his story is I talked to him on Saturday evening and he was very much in the city, of Indianapolis that is! I am no genius, but I am smart enough to know Indianapolis and Miami are not the same city... not even close. I had no more conversation with him at that point.

The funny part is he had no reason to lie. We are NOT in a relationship, so I do'nt care about him being with other girls, or anything of that nature. To be honest, I was just going to have sex with him...then not call for a few months! So now his lying tendencies have been brought to the light, he has been deleted from the cell phone and all communication has ceased. There is no sex great enough for me to look pass blatant and disrespectful behavior. If he were willing to lie about something small like being at a certain club, then he would lie about something big that could be detrimental to my health. Although he is number two on my best toonch list, a feminine personality and lying got him quickly demoted. Hell, I can find a replacement if need be!

Remember ladies, love yourself first and laugh at the fools who don’t!

XOXO Angel

Lovelace in the City: Bad Toonch (FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY)

Hello Blogger World!

Warning! This week’s blog is for the mature crowd. I saw a conversation on Facebook I think would be a good topic to discuss with my fellow bloggers. Would you rather have bad toonch or bad sex in a relationship? (Toonch is my word for oral relations)

Now sex should not be the focus of any relationship, but let us be honest with ourselves; sex is very important. I had to think about which one I think is tolerable. I decided that bad toonch is easier to deal with than bad sex. Bad sex is just a no-no and may end the relationship. You may think I'm being shallow or selfish but as woman, I am responsible for my own sexual satisfaction! Yes, I need a man to help with that, but I should already know what makes my body happy. He should'nt have to guess or try to figure it out on his own. The more I can guide and assist him, the happier I will be.

Let me explain my choice. Unfortunately, I've had both bad sex and NO toonch, so imagine how I was feeling. For the record, I looked past all the bad because I really did care about him. Toonch should be like an appetizer to the main course. It is not necessary to have toonch before every sexual encounter, but it is nice! Toonch can be bad for several reasons: he just may not be experienced, does not like it or never learned how to do it correctly. Those are very fixable things. . Trying to get better toonch from your man has to be approached with care. You all know that men are very sensitive about their sexual egos and competence. If your mate is willing to expand his knowledge; introduce toys, food such as whip cream or chocolate syrup, maybe even watch an adult movie together, or during the act make positive remarks or give polite directions . If it still sucks (no pun intended) after the lessons, then you may have to take toonch out of the relationship altogether. It is not fair that you have to suffer bad toonch or no toonch because he is selfish. So be selfish yourself and tell him that he gets NO toonch either! I bet that will whip him into shape in no time!

Bad sex is just that, bad! It always makes you more upset and leaves you wanting more, but not from him! If you and your partner do not have good sexual, physical chemistry, the chances of a long-lasting relationship are slim to none. Bad sex can lead to cheating, and who wants to do that?! A word to the wise, make sure that YOU are not the one with the bad sex or bad toonch!

Ladies take control over your sexual satisfaction! Do not let your partner always get his without you getting yours!

Always remember to love yourself first and laugh at the fools who don’t!

XOXO Angel

Lovelace in the City: A Single Girl's Guide to Valentine's Day

As you know Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching and being the single friend is not always fun. Since Valentine’s Day is on a Monday, there will be couples out in full force the entire weekend. The famous day of love can turn out good or bad; depending on how you approach it. You have a choice to enjoy the day despite not having a Valentine. Or you have the choice to be miserable or depressed and reminisce on all the Valentine’s days of the past. Well I am choosing to enjoy my entire weekend. My plans consist of celebrating my single-hood with a body wrap, shopping, working out, dinner, and homework (that has to be done). If I start to get sad or envious of my friends because they are in relationships, I will remind myself there are damn good reasons why I am not with any of my exes and be thankful I'm not in a volatile relationship.

I thought of a few suggestions for the single Valentine:

If you have single friends, throw a singles’ party. Everyone can appreciate a nice dinner, wine and good old girl talk.

Pamper yourself. Make an appointment at your local spa for a manicure, pedicure or facial. Making myself feel good always puts me in a good mood.

Buy yourself flowers and candy. Who made a rule saying a significant other has to buy those items? At least you will not have to guess what kind of chocolate is in the box, you'll get what you like. Besides who knows you better than you?

Go shopping. Retail therapy is always the best therapy!

Go to a club or bar. Remember, you are not the only single person in the world and you may just meet your future Valentine!

Spend time with family. What better way to spend the holiday dedicated to love than to spend time with the people you love most.

So get up and get out this Valentine’s Day! Don't think about what could have or should have been; it's in the past and did not work for a reason. I know I will have the best Valentine’s Day with the love of my life; just not this year! I hope everyone has a Happy Valentine’s Day!

Remember ladies, love yourself first and laugh at the fools who don’t!

XOXO Angel

Lovelace in the City: Ghetto Love

Hey World!

This week, I want to talk about something serious, GHETTO LOVE! I personally have never been part of this phenomenon, but know several people who only know this kind of love.

What actually is ghetto love? It’s that kind ride or die kind of love; go to jail for your boo love, stand by your man during his jail time kind of love. I do not offer that kind of love!

I have this friend, we will call her Ms. Doe. Ms. Doe believes strongly in ghetto love. Every man she's ever dated fits the description of no good. They never have a “legal” job, lay up in her house while she works, consistently cheats and the occasional physical abuse. She loooooovvveeesss them regardless, and puts any man before her kids. According to her, they have the best sex and that is enough for her. To me, is just desperate and bad parenting. I always say, No dick is platinum! Over the last few years, she's been in the ultimate ghetto love relationship. Her boo of choice has never had a real job, cheated on her about two weeks AFTER he proposed, physically abused her and the list goes on. To pledge her love, she even got his first and last name tattooed on her body! (I've never believed in getting another man’s name permanently inked on my body EVER; just my personal preference.)

Her devotion to this man has gotten her locked up and taken away from her children! Apparently, he was arrested with her, but that does not excuse the fact her custodial rights are severely threatened. All of her friends, including me told her numerous times she deserves more and to put her kids first. I also told her I cannot be around her while she is with that specific man. I am not certain as to why she was arrested, but I have no doubt in my mind that it was because of ghetto love.

My question....is ghetto love worth a woman’s future with her kids, career and life? There are many women who subject themselves to such relationships, but for the life of me, I can't understand why. We as women need to know our worth and protect our children. As much as I want to be in a relationship, I am NOT willing to settle for being used and abused by NO MAN! I hope after Ms. Doe’s legal woes are over, she will gain a new perspective on life!

Tune in next week to see what kind of loveless foolishness I can get myself into!

Remember ladies, love yourself first and laugh at the fools who don’t!

XOXO Angel

Lovelace in the City: Where's Mr. Nice Guy?

Hello Friends!

I hope everyone had a fantastic week! Fortunately, nothing crazy happened in my life over this past week;  it actually makes me a little nervous. You know what they say, it's the quiet before the storm! Since everything has been so low key, it has given me time to think about the men, past and present, I've dated.

The result of all my thinking, I've concluded I'm attracted to jerks and that needs to stop! I realized all of my serious relationships have been with men that are arrogant, selfish and insensitive. Now don't get me wrong, they never start out that way. They are very charismatic, charming and romantic. They always seem to know how to keep me intrigued with their conversation, sense of humor and wit. As I reflect back, as the past relationships seems to be moving forward to more serious or long-term roads, they show their true jerk self!

The everyday phone calls turn into every few days. The I miss you texts slowly start to fade. Conversation is at a standstill and the quality time has come to an abrupt end; and at times even cheating occurs. These men manage to say things that hurt my feelings and have no remorse, would rather hang with their friends than me or pick fights to make me feel guilty. Once it reaches this stage, I find myself questioning the relationship or trying to figure what went wrong. Was it something I did or said? Me being me, I want to talk things through and get to the bottom of things. I also find myself more attracted to them and wanting to be around them more. WTF is wrong with me? I assume I am gluten for punishment and cannot for the life of me figure out why finding a nice guy to date is so difficult.

That brings up another question, Do nice guys really finish last? Why is it so hard to date the nice guy? The few guys I've dated were nice. I always felt as if I would run-over them and be tempted to take advantage of their kindness, so I stay away. Now that I'm getting serious about the qualities I want in a man, I realize I do want a nice guy!  For the rest of the year, I am vowing to stay away from jerks as much as possible or dismiss them as soon as the first sign of jerkish tendencies rears its ugly head. I'm a loving kind person and deserve to be with someone similar! So farewell to the jerks and hello to Mr. Nice Guy!!!

Tune in next week to see what kind of loveless foolishness I can get myself into!

Remember ladies, love yourself first and laugh at the fools who don’t!

XOXO Angel

Lovelace in the City: Sunday Morning

Hello Friends!

Well foolishness has resurrected its ugly head over this last week! I almost feel as if this could be my fault since I let my guard down just a tinch. My closest friends always say I have mannish behavior and take on the male role in some relationships. Let me explain my definition of mannish behavior. These behaviors can include: not calling the potential boo for several days in a row, sitting on the couch doing nothing and simply not answering your phone, after sex telling them to leave or get yourself quickly dressed and exit the premises, not expressing ANY emotion and preferring to hang with friends instead of your boo. Sometimes I make a conscious effort to repress these behaviors and act more like a woman; by showing concern when not called, being nice, making conversation and wanting to spend quality time. When showing my woman side, I ALWAYS gets my feelings hurt. With that said, let me tell you about this week’s latest casualty!

I met this guy (we’ll call him Sunday Morning) through an online dating site a few months ago. We talked very briefly, about two weeks, before we stopped calling each other. He had potential to become a boo; good job, car, only one child, etc. My only issue with him at the time was he spoke of futuristic things too soon for my liking. He would make comments about us moving in together and moving out of town. Clearly that freaked me out since that was in our first conversation.

Anywhoo, he emailed me last week talking about he missed me and complications with his phone prevented him from calling since he had lost all contacts (and I delete people really really fast). I decided to entertain the idea since I know how stupid smart phones can be. The first day of contact resulted in tons of text messages of him saying he missed me and really wanted to see me. Of course all women want to hear those things, so yea, I was flattered and felt a little giddy. So against my better mannish behavior, I responded to his texts, planned an evening to hang out and even talked to him while Private Practice was on!!!! WTF? I only talk to my friends via text during that show! So I let him come over the next evening. The evening was going well. We had very good conversation about relationships, goals, kids and marriage! (Yea I know, it freaked me out at first, but liked the idea of thinking ahead with someone). Then it happened, he kissed me. LAWD, those lips of his are STUPEFYING!!!!! That’s the best word to describe it because I became stupid for the next several hours! After the evening wrapped up, I felt like a little school girl with butterflies, hoping more would come.

Unfortunately, it’s a wrap! I called the next day, as requested, NO ANSWER. I waited a few days later to call again or at least see if he would call me back. Nope, nada, nothing, no call, no text, no talk!!!!! WOW! It’s been a week since I have last spoken with him and have already deleted him from my phone again! The saddest part is he will be like all the others and call/text within the next few weeks; crying that same tune “I miss you”. My response will be to him: Well you will just have to miss me some more because you won’t be talking to me!

Talk about feeling rejected and crushed. Damn, I knew I should have kept my guard up. Whelp, I guess it’s back to my mannish behavior a while longer.

Tune in next week to see what kind of loveless foolishness I can get myself into!

Remember ladies, love yourself first and laugh at the fools who don’t!

XOXO Angel