Reflection: Give Me Some Candy Lady

Picture taken from Candy Land Wiki

So I was playing Candy Land with Kiran last night...you know spending some quality time with the kid. She picks her card and it takes her to Peanut Ville or something or other and she screams in excitement, OOOHHH I'm winning...I get to go to the Peanut Lady!! She's big and fat just like you! 

The fat girl in me almost forgot Kiran is a five year old and wanted to punch her in the mouth. Instead I shook it off and said that is not nice then nothing else was said. Kiran looked at me like what did I do?!?! We wrapped up the game, I put her little butt in the tub for bath time, then completed our nightly ritual.

Once Kiran was in bed, my emotions got the best of me and I ate eight chocolate single serving bars from her Halloween basket. Take that little one...the big fat lady is smashing your Crunch bars!!  As the chocolate overtook my mouth, I came to and couldn't believe the comments of a kindergartner would cause me to go into a depression...and later possibly a diabetic coma. 

Then I pull myself together and remember Kiran is coming from a background that is engulfed in the obsession with size. My sister is a size zero and still thinks she could lose a few pounds. One of the reasons she had an issue with Kiran not being involved in her dance classes as much as she told my mother...she didn't want Kiran to sit over my house and get fat. 

It also brought me to the realization I still have a ways to go before I'm truly comfortable in my own skin with  my own size. Yes...I do stand to lose some weight health wise, but I also need to re-evaluate the situation and see why that comment got under my skin.

I will say this...it's time for Kiran and I to have the beauty and self acceptance talk. I don't want her to obsess over weight the way her mother and I do. I don't want it to control or take over her life. I don't want her to look at someone and the first thing she sees is weight, height, race or disability. I want her to be a healthy young woman inside and out, but first I have to deal with some demons myself.

I will say this...at least Gamma Nutt knows how to accessorize!

Janelle

Nobody Leaves This Stage Without Singing the Blues

I had to put that as a title...Adventures in Babysitting is one of my FAVORITE films!!

Yesterday, I got my stuff I bought from Lane Bryant. I was so surprised I got it overnight...that was FAST. I'm ecstatic...I'm down a dress size. I'd like to say a dress size and a half...teetering between a 20-22. BOOM! I'm very happy about the shoes. I have to take them back though. They're too big.

I will have to say, I only bought these shoes because they were on sale. The retail price for them was $69.95. I'm sorry LB, but your shoes are NOT worth 70 bucks! But I got them for $24, so I'll stop complaining.

Also...starting to make some more changes in my diet. I'm trying to transition from a meat based diet to a plant based diet. I will probably NEVER be a vegetarian, maybe like a 80% vegetarian. Baby steps. I did make these zucchini boats last night. Delicious!!! Zucchini, red bell peppers, mushrooms, jack and parmesan cheeses...MMMMM. Brought some for lunch today. I hope they reheat well.



Oh well...going to edit and post the movie reviews later today! You guys have a GREAT weekend!!!

Janelle

Woes of a Fat Girl

(taken from DenimBlog)

HELP!! So it's that time again to buy new jeans. Why? Some are them are getting too big. (WHOOP WHOOP losing weight WHOOP WHOOP) But most of them are fallen denim soldiers holding my big booty in....they are casualites in the war of rubbing thighs.

Oh why oh why do my thighs rub when I walk...shredding my jeans like an office shredder?!?! Anyone else have this issue? What do you do to prevent this craziness?

Janelle

Phat Like Me & Nite Nite Hair

I'm so happy! In December of last year, as I've said before, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My doctor filled my medicine cabinets with high blood pressure meds, cholesterol meds and diabetic meds. I was taking the same medicines as my grandmother. That's when I woke up, I have to start looking at my body and really start changing how I'm treating myself. Well, as of Monday, I've lost 18 pounds!!!  

It's been crazy hard. I do well for a week...fall off...get so busy I don't eat or just grab trifling food. It's a learning process, but I'm taking it day by day. People are starting to notice my weight loss and my clothes are getting loose; some I have to buy in a smaller size! I'm just so proud of myself. I'm going to stop gloating now and start my new nightly hair regimen.

I LOVE my natural hair. I didn't about a year or so ago, but I'm starting to really cherish my hair in all it's glory. Tonight, I'm dry twisting it. I started with a wash-n-go, but I'm too lazy to do two strand twist.

What I used tonight: Organic Root Stimulator Coconut Oil, Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie, Shea Moisture Reconstructive Elixir, Ms. Liz Magic Leave In Conditioner (My stylist's concoction of her homemade leave in she uses. It is a special formula of different oils, conditioners and water. She won't even tell me what she puts in it. She sells it for $5.)

I would NEVER leave the house in my two strand twist, definitely not doing that in the dry twist. Me fresh face almost ready to for bed. Need to put on my bonnet and crash...

Finished dry twist. I don't make them pretty, it's just to give my fro some definition.

I will take pictures and post tomorrow so you can see how they turned out. I need to work on my flat twist and cornrolling; one of these days!!

So You Think You Can Dance

Hi, today’s blog is a fun one. Who doesn’t like to dance? Almost everyone. On the Island we have Salsa, Merengue, Plena and Belly Dancing among others. This last dance caught my eye because it's not common here and not everyone can do this. The dancer needs certain qualities in his/her natural disposition, in his/her physical constitution and character and in his/her performance. 

Susan with belly dancers Darlyl Montaez and Tracey Ortega

I was on Facebook one day and to my surprise I found a beautiful plus size belly dancer from Puerto Rico. I know her because I have her as a friend on Facebook. Her name is Susan Santana, a lovely girl from Bayamon, Puerto Rico. I contacted her and she was gracious enough to tell me her story as a plus size belly dancer. I was in shock to see this beautiful plus size girl dancing. Susan has so much grace; I don’t impress easily and this girl impressed me. 

She told me while she was at the University, she met up with a childhood friend named Stephanie, who told Susan she gave Belly Dancing classes. Susan decided to give it a shot and  loved it. It makes her relax and she's lost some weight. 

Last month she had the honor of dancing for an ex-governor of Puerto Rico, Sila Maria Calderon. The ex-governor sent for her and told her she was one of the best dancers there. She was so happy because it was her birthday and this was the best present. 

Susan, Darlyl, Tracey and Sila Maria Calderon, ex-governor of Puerto Rico.

Susan wanted me to write this message from her, “for anyone that is reading this, I want you to know that you can control your mind, because the mind is powerful. Love yourself the way you are, with your virtues and defects, because nobody is perfect. If you have a dream, go for it. Try it because this is the only way you will know if you could do it. You can show others that you and all the plus size girls can do what they want because they are talented just like anyone else. Our dreams have to go one more size!!!!” 

I loved her message, my eyes teared up because she is doing what I always say you should do. PERSEVERE and NEVER give up your dreams!!!! I wish Susan the best of luck because she is brave enough to pursue her dreams!

Blessings to all,

Marta

Family Wednesday: What's For Lunch?

I remember as a child, the cafeteria was the Wall Street of food. Kids would bring lunches from home. Your lunch would determine your status in the lunchroom; any cupcakes or Twinkies you were considered first class and cookies middle class. No sweet was disappointing or turned away.

Having a character lunchbox was a plus too! Choosing a lunchbox highlighting your favorites shows, cartoons, characters and having the same as your friends was so COOL!!! Taking a lunch to school also set the mood for later when you got home.  Your feelings toward your parents depended on your lunch status for the day. Winter days included soup in the matching lunchbox thermos. Chicken noodles and tomato soups were my favorite...and don't forget the crackers! I remembered a time when we went outside and played; we didn't sit in the house in front of the TV or a video game.

Moving on to 2011...today we are having a huge FOOD FIGHT!!! Today we are dealing with food allergies, food nutrient and special diets (no pork, red meat and vegan). Some schools are sounding off on what your child can or cannot eat; taking the pop machines out of the school, no white flour, no sugar, no processed food or fast food.

So next time you pack your child lunch, add more fruits and vegetables. Give them flavored water and make their sandwiches on whole grain bread.

The school systems wants to give our children healthy choices, but they want to take away gym, health classes and recess. With this being done, teachers and staff must eat healthy lunches to show the students they believe in this method; no soda, no fast food nor takeout food for them.

Parents, fight for your kids’right on what they can eat.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110411/us_yblog_thelookout/chicago-school-bans-homemade-lunches-the-latest-in-national-food-fight

~Takia

Fluffy is Disgusting: Response to Marie Claire Blog

 I'm sure by now the whole plus size industry is in an uproar about Marie Claire's article, "Should Fatties Get A Room? (Even on TV)", written by the now infamous Maura Kelly. Kelly shared with her readers two fat people kissing "grosses her out" and to see a fat person walking is "aesthetically displeasing". People are mad...hell most people are downright pissed off! Her words slung across the computer like daggers into the minds and hearts of people of various sizes.

After the swarms of faithful Marie Claire followers vowed to take up arms with the publication by canceling subscriptions and not putting another dime into the pages of one of the top fashion rags, I'm sure it was the editors that urged Kelly to revisit her article and show some remorse for her words. But to tear people down because of there size is unforgivable, though Kelly tried to clean up her dirty little mess with a statement and a few comments posted. The author apologizes IF her article was found offensive and wishes the post could be taken down. A little too late for Kelly and Marie Claire, the words are already branded into the mind of the public. Tisk tisk...

Was it not a month or so ago at New York Fashion Week, the industry praised the fluffy and pseudo-fluffy and courted us with a little attention? Did they just throw us a bone to pacify our egos or was it like a form charity work?

I'm a fashion magazine hog. I subscribe and purchase quite a few. I received a please subscribe letter from Marie Claire last week. It tried to persuade me to subscribe with a low cost of $5.99. I kept in on my kitchen counter because I was going to subscribe. Last night I threw it away. I will join the boycott of Marie Claire. They have a lot of work to do to gain the trust of the public, especially the plus size people who are readers despite the lack of plus size representation.

Let Marie Claire know how you feel about the article. Though apologies were given, the issue is far from over. It's not a plus size thing...it's not a skinny thing...it's a human thing. Get on the ball MC!!!

My Weight Loss Journey

(My breakfast last Saturday, canadian bacon, egg/egg white on a Slimwich with cherries.)

These are what my meals are like now that I'm on the Weight Watchers' plan. I'm not endorsing weight loss or Weight Watchers). If you are happy a certain size/build then don't change for anyone. Just recently I've been plagued with many health issues. Sciatica, high blood pressure (on two different medications), swelling and nerve damage of my lower extremities, sleep apnea and the list still grows. All of these conditions are due to my weight increasing over the past five to 10 years. I've been every size from a 10 to a 26, back up and down again. 

The wake up call began when I stop sleeping at night because of pain and swelling in my left leg and foot. I was going to doctors and emergency rooms and there was "no condition". All of my symptoms were due to weight and my body not being able to support itself anymore. I got scared and my boyfriend got frustrated because we were at a hospital once or twice a month (or more). I feared my own mortality. At 31 (32 tomorrow YAY!!) I'm seeing the same physicians that my sick grandmother frequents...in fact we are on the same medication. My grandmother is almost 80 years old. If I kept up my eating habits (binging) and a sedentary lifestyle, I'm going to die a early, painful and slow death.

I started Weight Watchers last week. I don't want to be skinny. I will never be skinny. But a swelve size 12/14 would be killer (I'm a 24/26 now). I want to go shopping in the mall and not always on the internet. I want to walk across campus without being out of breath and sweating like a piglet. Most importantly, I want to lose weight so I can live a long life without pain, medication and fear of death. I lost six pounds this week. I will keep you posted on my process.

~ Janelle

A True Tail of a Binge Eater

(A shirt I recently bought from Torrid.com.)

Okay, it's no secret that I am trying to lose weight. I think everyone nowadays is obsessed with weight and weight loss.

When I was in my late 20's, I wanted to look like that super thin model that you see on TV commercials or in magazines. I tried every diet fad and weight loss supplement in the book. You can ask me anything about any diet or pill; the grapefruit diet, the cabbage soup diet, Weight Watchers, Relacore pills, Diet Fuel...I'm serious just ask me. The all worked too...just for a millisecond. The weight would melt right off and then the pounds would return with more than a few of its girthy buddies. I've yo-yo'd from a size 10 to a size 24; up and down repeatedly. I remember when I was a size 10, I thought I was so fat, desperately trying to reach that size six or eight. Nothing was ever good enough.

With this obsession with my diet, I adapted a new relationship with food. Food was not just calories and energy that kept my mind and body alive, it began to be my friend, staple and crutch. If I had pressing issues on my mind and no one to talk to, a piece of cake would console me. If I was in the dumps, down and out, Church's Chicken would cheer me up. I can't wait to go home and pop open the fridge. The cool breeze on my face; the condensation running off the containers inside. I'd hop on the scale and see my weight escalate each week. Depressed over the numbers, I'd run to Mickey D's for my french fry fix.

Fearful what I have become, I contacted a shrink. She diagnosed me with a binge eating disorder brought on by mild depression. What?! I'm so not depressed! Or am I? I lost myself. I lost myself in food. I didn't eat to live....I lived to eat. With this new found diagnosis and now internal health problems looming, I had to change my perspective. I have to stop being concerned about what makes society happy; what makes me sociably acceptable. I only have to accept myself and not answer to anyone else.

I will never be thin. I will always be, as society puts it, a "plus size" woman. I'm no longer trying to lose weight to conform or to be anyone else. I want to lose weight to regain my health. I want to be healthy in my mind, body and spirit. So when I see all these magazines, television specials, and statistics, I have to remind myself to love MY booty!