Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Reflection: Give Me Some Candy Lady

Picture taken from Candy Land Wiki
So I was playing Candy Land with Kiran last night...you know spending some quality time with the kid. She picks her card and it takes her to Peanut Ville or something or other and she screams in excitement, OOOHHH I'm winning...I get to go to the Peanut Lady!! She's big and fat just like you! 

The fat girl in me almost forgot Kiran is a five year old and wanted to punch her in the mouth. Instead I shook it off and said that is not nice then nothing else was said. Kiran looked at me like what did I do?!?! We wrapped up the game, I put her little butt in the tub for bath time, then completed our nightly ritual.

Once Kiran was in bed, my emotions got the best of me and I ate eight chocolate single serving bars from her Halloween basket. Take that little one...the big fat lady is smashing your Crunch bars!!  As the chocolate overtook my mouth, I came to and couldn't believe the comments of a kindergartner would cause me to go into a depression...and later possibly a diabetic coma. 

Then I pull myself together and remember Kiran is coming from a background that is engulfed in the obsession with size. My sister is a size zero and still thinks she could lose a few pounds. One of the reasons she had an issue with Kiran not being involved in her dance classes as much as she told my mother...she didn't want Kiran to sit over my house and get fat. 

It also brought me to the realization I still have a ways to go before I'm truly comfortable in my own skin with  my own size. Yes...I do stand to lose some weight health wise, but I also need to re-evaluate the situation and see why that comment got under my skin.

I will say this...it's time for Kiran and I to have the beauty and self acceptance talk. I don't want her to obsess over weight the way her mother and I do. I don't want it to control or take over her life. I don't want her to look at someone and the first thing she sees is weight, height, race or disability. I want her to be a healthy young woman inside and out, but first I have to deal with some demons myself.

I will say this...at least Gamma Nutt knows how to accessorize!


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