My Weight Loss Journey

(My breakfast last Saturday, canadian bacon, egg/egg white on a Slimwich with cherries.)

These are what my meals are like now that I'm on the Weight Watchers' plan. I'm not endorsing weight loss or Weight Watchers). If you are happy a certain size/build then don't change for anyone. Just recently I've been plagued with many health issues. Sciatica, high blood pressure (on two different medications), swelling and nerve damage of my lower extremities, sleep apnea and the list still grows. All of these conditions are due to my weight increasing over the past five to 10 years. I've been every size from a 10 to a 26, back up and down again. 

The wake up call began when I stop sleeping at night because of pain and swelling in my left leg and foot. I was going to doctors and emergency rooms and there was "no condition". All of my symptoms were due to weight and my body not being able to support itself anymore. I got scared and my boyfriend got frustrated because we were at a hospital once or twice a month (or more). I feared my own mortality. At 31 (32 tomorrow YAY!!) I'm seeing the same physicians that my sick grandmother frequents...in fact we are on the same medication. My grandmother is almost 80 years old. If I kept up my eating habits (binging) and a sedentary lifestyle, I'm going to die a early, painful and slow death.

I started Weight Watchers last week. I don't want to be skinny. I will never be skinny. But a swelve size 12/14 would be killer (I'm a 24/26 now). I want to go shopping in the mall and not always on the internet. I want to walk across campus without being out of breath and sweating like a piglet. Most importantly, I want to lose weight so I can live a long life without pain, medication and fear of death. I lost six pounds this week. I will keep you posted on my process.

~ Janelle

A True Tail of a Binge Eater

(A shirt I recently bought from Torrid.com.)

Okay, it's no secret that I am trying to lose weight. I think everyone nowadays is obsessed with weight and weight loss.

When I was in my late 20's, I wanted to look like that super thin model that you see on TV commercials or in magazines. I tried every diet fad and weight loss supplement in the book. You can ask me anything about any diet or pill; the grapefruit diet, the cabbage soup diet, Weight Watchers, Relacore pills, Diet Fuel...I'm serious just ask me. The all worked too...just for a millisecond. The weight would melt right off and then the pounds would return with more than a few of its girthy buddies. I've yo-yo'd from a size 10 to a size 24; up and down repeatedly. I remember when I was a size 10, I thought I was so fat, desperately trying to reach that size six or eight. Nothing was ever good enough.

With this obsession with my diet, I adapted a new relationship with food. Food was not just calories and energy that kept my mind and body alive, it began to be my friend, staple and crutch. If I had pressing issues on my mind and no one to talk to, a piece of cake would console me. If I was in the dumps, down and out, Church's Chicken would cheer me up. I can't wait to go home and pop open the fridge. The cool breeze on my face; the condensation running off the containers inside. I'd hop on the scale and see my weight escalate each week. Depressed over the numbers, I'd run to Mickey D's for my french fry fix.

Fearful what I have become, I contacted a shrink. She diagnosed me with a binge eating disorder brought on by mild depression. What?! I'm so not depressed! Or am I? I lost myself. I lost myself in food. I didn't eat to live....I lived to eat. With this new found diagnosis and now internal health problems looming, I had to change my perspective. I have to stop being concerned about what makes society happy; what makes me sociably acceptable. I only have to accept myself and not answer to anyone else.

I will never be thin. I will always be, as society puts it, a "plus size" woman. I'm no longer trying to lose weight to conform or to be anyone else. I want to lose weight to regain my health. I want to be healthy in my mind, body and spirit. So when I see all these magazines, television specials, and statistics, I have to remind myself to love MY booty!